“Shhh…it’s ok my child, I’m right here.” Love, Abba

Pain…sometimes pain takes us further from God.

Pain from others, or pain from ourselves.

Pain from the past,

Pain from today, or

Pain from the fear of tomorrow.

Pain from our guilt – the shame that can’t be shaken.

Pain from wounds that won’t seem to heal, or

Pain from the scars that are so real.

Pain from a broken heart, or

Pain from a heart that has been broken so many times that there’s only pieces left.

Pain has a way of numbing us, causing us to freeze where we’re at and want to just simply stay put. Or, pain has a way of driving us towards something…anything, that will numb the pain for us…whether that “something” be an individual, a substance, a relationship, or an addiction. Pain can make us run…make us run to where nobody can find us, nobody can talk to us, and we’re all alone…exactly where we want to be…so we think.

Some of us know where we should run, and know where we should turn, but we don’t want to run to the place where we know we should. Instead, we run further and further into an abyss where we think we can heal our own pain.

And yet, there are others who not only know where to run when they’re hurting uncontrollably, but they do run to the place they know will bring them ultimate healing.

For those that run in the opposite way of the God who loves them uncontrollably and desires nothing more than to heal them, how do they get to the place where they not only know where to go but desire to go there? What causes them to run the opposite direction when they know where to go in their head? There’s a sense of fear…a sense of judgment…or, a sense of having to face the pain…the chaos…and the shame.

The dark abyss that uncontrolled pain can take you to is just that…dark. A continual cycle of denial…guilt…shame…and other emotions that push you further and further away from the Lord and who you are in the Lord. All of these emotions combined make you lose your sense of self and leave you in a state of confusion where the darkness becomes darker and the light becomes dimmer. During these times, God can often seem silent. While you may know in your head the right answers, the right verses, the right words to say to yourself, in your heart you are so confused. When the pain increases, when the weight gets too much to bear, instead of wanting to climb into your Heavenly Father’s lap…you want to run.

The longer you run, the harder it gets. Instead of turning around and going back to the arms that are standing there open wide waiting for you to come home…you keep running. Why? Maybe you don’t want to face how far you’ve run or maybe you’ve run so far that you don’t know how to get back to your Savior’s arms, or maybe you’re so ashamed of the path you’ve taken away from your Abba Father and you don’t want to come face to face with Him.

But then…you look at the sky, you throw up your hands, stomp your feet, and cry out to God, “Where are you?!” You get mad, you get angry, and you ask Him, “How could you do this to me?!”

Yet, you forget that for quite some time now, while you have been so caught up in the pain that’s right in front of your face, that you have completely neglected the Lord —  blaming Him for your problems. During this time that you have been lost in the abyss of your pain — the Lord, your Abba Father, has been saying to you, “My child, where are you going? My beloved, why must you ignore my love for you? My child, I haven’t left you, I’m right here. My child, I’m right here, why are you looking the other way? Why do you have your back to me? My child, my child, my child, calm down, it’s going to be okay, just turn to me…just look my way…I’m right here to help you. I want to hold you, please just be still, please just trust me, I know what’s best for you, I have such greater plans for you…I’m not going to harm you…I’m not going to shun you.”

If you’ve ever heard a baby cry uncontrollably you’ve heard those uncontrollable sobs that wail and wail from that little child. Perhaps you’ve also seen that baby be scooped up in her mommy or daddy’s arms and comforted until she’s able to calm down. The mommy holds that baby close and calms her down, she tells her “shhh…it’s okay, mommy’s here, shhh…it’s okay…mommy’s here…shhh…shhh…she…”

In the same way, when you fall down on your knees, and start crying uncontrollably to your Abba Father, He’s right there. He scoops you up in His arms and says…

“My child, you are precious and honored in my sight” (Isaiah 43:4).

“My child, I am holding your hand…do not fear.” (Isaiah 41:13)

“My child, I have summoned you by name…you are mine.” (Isaiah 43:1)

“My child, do not afraid.” (Isaiah 54:4)

“My child, my grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

You see, it doesn’t matter where you’ve been, it doesn’t matter what you’ve done…Jesus still loves you. You may be thinking you don’t deserve His love, and quite honestly, you’re right…nobody does. BUT that’s exactly why God sent His Son down to this earth…”For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)

You see, Jesus suffered on the cross and rose from the grave so that “…by His wounds we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5) Maybe your first response to that is fear because you think that your sins are too big for God’s grace on the cross…they are not. “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

Jesus knew how ugly our sins would be. And yet…He died for them anyways. Your Abba Father has a love for you that I pray you will “…grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge…” (Ephesians 3:18-19). God’s love is big enough for you wherever you are at because “with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26). Once you accept and embrace His power and presence into your life He is able to wipe every tear and hold you tight in His everlasting arms. He’s big enough to take you out of the abyss of your pain and take you to a place where you see brighter days.

He doesn’t promise that it’s going to be easy…there’s going to be tears…heartache…and more pain. But, He’s right beside you. You aren’t on this journey alone. HE LOVES YOU! And He longs to reach out to you…wrap you up in His everlasting arms and let you stay there. You can cry, you can beat on His chest, and ask Him all the hard questions if you need to…because He’s big enough to handle them.

Don’t let your pain drive you away from the One who loves you the most to a place where you’re all alone. Instead…run to the Lord…let him pick you up…hold you close…and say, “Shhh…it’s ok my child, I’m right here…”

“My child, a glimpse of My Glory is all you need.” -Abba

What do you do when life turns out different from what you had planned? How do you handle the gap between what you thought life should be and what life actually is? Do you doubt God and say forget it, obviously you don’t care about the desires of my heart because none of them are coming true? Do you trust in Him and say, God I don’t understand this but, I know you do? What does your heart do when you get the phone call that turns everything upside down?

When you see someone who has messed up her life with drug and alcohol abuse, it’s easy to see how she has nothing she once thought she would have. You think to yourself, well she messed up with drugs, alcohol, and men, so of course she doesn’t have a house with a husband, a kid, a big dog, and a white picket fence.

But what about you? What happens when you’ve never rebelled, you’ve never gone against the authority of those that God placed over you, and you’ve always made a conscience choice to follow God and His ways. What have you gotten in return? Ridicule? Hatred from the world? Excluded from those around you because you have more conservative points of view on life? Maybe you do have the husband, kids, and white picket fence life…or maybe your life is nothing like you thought it would be.

It’s easy to see why someone that has rebelled against God wouldn’t receive the blessings of God’s hand, but why wouldn’t God give His blessings to someone that hasn’t rebelled against Him? Or an even better question is why does the person that has rebelled against every single one of God’s commands, yet still calls herself a Christian and shows up in church on Sunday morning, get the desires or her heart and God’s blessings?

These questions haunt those who simply do not have the desires of their heart and their life is not what they dreamt it would be. Not only is their life not what they dreamt it would be, but it is exact opposite of what they wanted life to be and exactly what they know should not be.

People that have their dreams and their “perfect little life,” never going through something traumatic, don’t quite understand the struggle for someone who feels as if their life is constantly in turmoil. They look at you when you doubt and think to themselves, and might even say, “oh you of little faith, get over it.” For those people, the biggest struggle is should we buy the house on the corner with the 4 bedrooms and 3.5 baths, or the house on the hill with the 3 bedrooms and 4 baths? Little do they know of the deep struggles inside your heart. Yea, sure, you can keep it all inside and put a smile on your face, but little by little, those questions and those doubts wear on your heart, wear on your mind, and tear you apart. For those of us who have walked the hard road and walked up and down mountain after mountain in our lives, it can become tempting to look at those around us with simpler lives and be envious of their simple life. Sometimes we even build up contempt in our hearts when we are talking to friends who’s biggest worry is so much simpler than our own.  However, the Lord graciously showed me one day that while it may be tempting to envy those around me who have lived their lives as if they’re walking through rose bushes rather than mountains, their pain is their reality and my pain is my reality. It does no good to compare our realities because pain is pain and heartache is heartache. Not to mention, there are people who have experienced levels of pain and heartache that I will never experience.

I also learned not to envy a simple life, because God had placed trials and tribulations in my life for reasons completely unknown to me. I firmly believe that God allowed certain trials in my life so that I would have the ability to understand what it is like for others that go through the same things and show them that with God all things are possible. There have been times in my life where I have looked at the Lord and said, “Really, Lord? Come on now, don’t You think I’ve climbed enough mountains for now! You’re going to allow this too?” While I cannot see His purposes in all the situations in my life right now, I know that “In all things God works for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). Maybe you don’t know the reason for your pain, and quite frankly you don’t want to know the reason, because all you can focus on right now is the pain that’s right in front of your face.

How do you deal with the pain on the inside and the smile on the outside? How do you deal with life being NOTHING like you thought it would be? It’s so easy to tell someone else all the right answers, and so much harder to believe them in your own heart. There seems to be a disconnect between the knowledge in your head and the knowledge in your heart. How do you tell your heart to believe what you know in your head?

Life is not fair. It never has been and never will be. Why the girl in your church that you know is living an immoral life and doing all the wrong things, and has all the right things in her life, is a mystery. If you are living the moral life and doing the right things and following God, and not receiving the same blessings as those around you, then what’s the point of doing the right thing, you wonder.

When we’re confused, disheveled, distraught, and we don’t feel like talking to the Lord about it, we must remember that God is the only One who can bring peace to our hearts. When that disconnect between our head knowledge and what we truly believe in our hearts is so large we don’t even know how to begin to bring the two together, rest assured, Christ does. A lot of times we know that God is the One who can bridge the gap between our heads and our hearts, but we’re just simply too stubborn to allow Him to do so. We want to have control. We want to be the one who makes things better. We want God to rule our lives according to our plans, not His. How humbling it can be when we finally realize that “with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26). Not on our own, not independent of the Lord, but with God.

Moses while leading the Israelites to the Promised Land encountered a moment when He was confused and He needed a touch of God’s glory. We read about this in Exodus:

“Moses said to the Lord, “You have been telling me, ‘Lead these people,’ but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, ‘I know you by name and you have found favor with me.’ If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people.’” The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Then Moses said to Him, “If your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?” And the Lord said to Moses, “I will do the very things you have asked because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.” Then Moses said, “Now show me your glory.” And the Lord said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion. But,” he said, “you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.” Then the Lord said, “There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen.” (Exodus 33:12-23)

When Moses was confused, when he was wondering where in the world God was, God first reminded Him that He was with him and would give him rest. Then he reminded Him that He knew Moses by name. How comforting that must have been for Moses, that the God of the universe knew him by name. Even though that would have been enough on God’s doing to remind Moses of what He needed, God went the extra mile. He showed Moses a glimpse of His glory. Just a glimpse is all that Moses could see, but it was all that Moses needed to see. God’s presence is so powerful that God could not allow Moses to see His face.

When Jesus was living on this earth, we read of many stories about encounters he had with the sick and those that were waiting for His healing touch.

“Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. She said to herself, “If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.” Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” And the woman was healed at that moment.” (Matthew 9:20-22)

Just a touch of His robe was all that she needed because her faith was that significant. Maybe all you need is the faith of that woman to reach out to God and just simply touch His robe. Jesus reminds us, “…if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you” (Matthew 17:20-21).

Maybe you don’t have the strength right now to reach out for a simple touch of Jesus’ robe and you need for Him to show you His glory. You need to get on your knees and cry out to God and ask Him to just simply show you His glory. Rest assured, God will show up in your life. Be hopeful in His plans for your life. Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us that God has plans for our lives that are so beyond what we can imagine. The glory of God speaking to you in this moment, in this here and now, when you are on your knees, is far greater than any kind of plan you could muster up in your feeble mind for your life. Take rest in knowing that one day you will look back at this here and now and understand why God orchestrated your life this way.

God is with you, God is for you, and most importantly GOD LOVES YOU. Take heart in that today. Don’t be discouraged in this moment that your life is nothing like you think it should be, rather, be encouraged that God is teaching you in this moment and cry out to Him for a glimpse of His glory, reach out for a touch of His robe.